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23rd of March – yarn

I thank Abba for the craft or art of crocheting and knitting

I started crocheting last year around the fall season. It’s something I had always wanted to do but I was too afraid to give it a try. I placed a wall for myself that I was too afraid to cross. I was too worried about being different, about not fitting in, about once again choosing something that those around me probably considered a girl thing to do …

Well thankfully for some time now my Heavenly Father has been leading me down a path of getting to know the person he created. The Bidkar that He crafted and molded as life was breath into the body within his mother’s womb. The Bidkar Japhet that hadn’t been influenced by the evils of the world, the one that knew who he wanted to be before society told him to stop crossing the forbidden lines of what they deemed incorrect.

I look back at my life and all I see is me constantly pushing against some wall, some barrier … I could have avoided so much badness if I had just stayed inside the box… I think Holy Spirit put a bit too much fire within me which is what has led me to always swim against the current. I do wish I hadn’t been bullied, I do wish some of those grown-ups had kept their mouth shut and not broken the spell, my belief that those who dressed in white would protect me and not harm me. I do wish I had been into cars, action figures, climbing trees, playing in the mud — I do wish I had seen myself like the strong boy rangers instead of the girl ranger who always seemed to need help lol

I wish. i=I wish ………….but not so much as before now I slowly start to be grateful for the pains of the past. I try to picture everything like the yarn and the crochet hook … at the beginning, it’s a ball of mess and slowly, with some patience, the string starts to smooth out and then you go up and down, back and forth, twist and turn until it turns into something great.

I  try to pray while crocheting. I try to picture my life like the yarn and I try to think of what or who I have not forgiven. What have I not let go, what am I still holding on to? Is there something I am trying to do that is not in accordance with God’s will in my life, is that what is causing me to feel stuck and not be able to advance? I’ve had to undo some projects many times, everyone else is like WHAT?! WHY!?!? … I stay calm, I should get frustrated but I don’t. I try to think of it as a reminder from Jesus to pray for me and for others. For those of us who have messed up and who God has mercy on. Instead of getting rid of us He takes the time to guide us back to Him, he takes the time to help us with a lot of patience and love. He turns our failure into an opportunity to show us his abounding love and his great power.

 

Don’t let others dictate who you are. Don’t let yourself keep you from achieving your potential. Try to find God’s will in your life. Be patient and kind with yourself and with those around you especially with those who hurt you. It’s hard, I know but in the end the blessing is great.

 

 

 

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