*Related to “Who I want to give my heart too” more in depth
I am already at that age where it’s normal to get asked if I have a girlfriend or if I have anyone in mind. (the conference is coming up and that’s the perfect setting for these types of questions to be asked lol) I am close to that age where the murmuring and speculating can begin on why I don’t have a girlfriend and why I may never have one. I really don’t care if I get left behind as the only single in my youth group, or if my sisters get married before me, or that people younger than me tie the knot.
There are so many comments that I’ve heard people make to other single people around me, it’s always those nosy people that want to know more and more. I usually have to ask God to help me keep my mouth shut because it’s not always easy to deal with them. I’ve seen how some people have gotten hurt by comments, certain questions and some “helpful advice” that they have received from people. Not everyone that is single is single by choice. It’s surprising to what level some people “advise” you to go to get your other half. There are some people that believe you have to get married at a certain age or you will forever be left single and your life will be a failure. I don’t believe that is true but I keep my mouth shut cuz sometimes that’s the best option. I don’t judge those people that get married “too early” or the people that get married “too late” in life. Love arrives when it decides and there is no benefit in rushing it.
So what would be my response to the interrogations….
“I’m not interested in dating, I’m not interested in getting married and if one day that were to happen it will because God willed it and I had no part in making it happen.”
I am not bitter! I am not disappointed with what love is! I am not afraid of women! The oppisote sex does not intimidate me! (ive been around girls all my life, I’ve learned to deal with their craziness lol) I don’t have a bad image of what marriage life can be or what dating is because I have seen some great examples of what a blessing those things can be in someone’s life. Love between two people can be a blessing from God for them and their families.
Recently in my circle of friends some people have gotten married and some of them have even made the audacious (didn’t knw tht was a word lol) decision to move millions of miles away to another state without even asking for my permission! Lol … For example the most recent departure was Ashley Aleman but I am glad she did it because through her I was able to get to know Eric Fuentes better and start a new friendship. As I’ve said before making guy friends has not been easy and now I have more than I’d ever imagine possible. Another example of a new friend is Raul here in Kingwood and Miguel in Naples and a few others who I’ve had some type of friendship because they dated one of my girlfriends.
Another example of how my life has benefited from a marriage is that because Eduardo Juarez Jr married I was able to get to know Linnys Lovos his wife. Since they decided to start a life here in Houston I know have the blessing of being near Elizabeth Lovos, Linnys’ mother. Linnys was the instrument that God used to help me express what was tormenting me for such a long time. I was able to face my fears and face the fact that I was having homosexual thoughts/feelings in my life. With her help I was able to make the decision to face this part of my life and stop running from it. Because of her prayers, her mother’s prayers and so many others I was able to punch the devil in his face the moment I decided to ask ,my congregation for help. (you can read about this in earlier blogs) I believe LInnys didn’t even know I had made the decision to speak up about this part of my life until the very last second when she saw me stand in front of everyone in one of our anointed member’s prayer sessions. Why did I mention her mother? It’s because I want to share a little testimony of something that occurred years earlier. I remember hearing her mother preach with that special voice the Lord has granted her, she seemed to fill the whole temple. I remember feeling the Holy Spirit move while she preached and shared a testimony of something that had occurred in her life. I remember talking to God and telling him I wanted to live where ever Elizabeth Lovos lived, or if it was His will to allow her to move to my congregation here in Kingwood. I don’t know why I was filled with that need but I had to let God know what I was feeling at that moment. Fast-forward to the present and I now can see this great woman of God every weekend in church. God has permitted, in the short amount of time that she has living here, for a strong bond to grow between us. She is a column of spiritual strength in my life, who has taught me to hold tightly to God. She reminds me every day that there is no better place to be than to be fully tied to the Holy Spirit.
In my house we celebrated my parent’s 25th wedding anniversary. They are the best example that my life could have ever needed to be reminded of what love and commitment between two people means. I’ve seen how God abides in the middle of the love they have for each other. I’ve been able to get closer to God because of the love I see in them for us and for each other.
Probably the thought of not wanting a girlfriend or wanting to get married started because I thought I would never be able o fall in love with a girl, but God has helped me to see past that. I’ve talked to men who have years of being married with a woman, their marriages have been greatly blessed by God and although they may have struggled or still struggle with same sex attraction they have always wished to get married. That’s something that still hasn’t happened to me, I still don’t wish for marriage. There have been a few girls who have captivated my attention but I always end up making the same type of prayer, “Lord remove these feelings. God I ask that you permit her to be the lady that the gentleman you have chosen for her needs. May she help him stay close to you and may he do the same for her…” Something along those lines. I then feel at peace and when later I find out she has a boyfriend I am truly happy for her. I even pray for her and her boyfriend so that their relationship may be a blessing for them. Some of them have now gotten married and I don’t feel sad or regret not having tried to at least date once.
The reason I write all this is mainly for my benefit so that I can face what I really think and feel about this subject in my life. I don’t want to feel guilty or bad because I don’t think the same way others do around me. I don’t want to fall in love with a girl and I’d like to think that the people close to me will accept that and not push for that to happen in my life. The next time someone asks me the question I want to be able to be completely sincere and tell them how I truly feel. Some may not agree at all but I keep remembering what Paul said in Corinthians 7 “8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion…”(NIV). Maybe in a month everything changes and I find myself in love with a girl but that will be because that is what God has planned for my life. I don’t have any sign or confirmation that I am meant to stay single but I would like to be.
Today I make the decision to live my life and be happy but not ceasing from finding more ways and reasons to fall in love completely with Jesus. One of my hearts desires is for me to one day be able to say it with all my heart, that I am truly in love with God. I want to truly be at the level that no man, woman, angel, or evil sprit can make me put my love in someone else. This weekend, while I was in Fort Worth, I spoke with a friend about this subject (not realizing that I would later get the prompting to write about it) who reminded me of a specific scripture that we find in the Bible, and truth is that up until that point, I had forgotten about it. I had embraced those verses in my heart when I first realized what I wanted for my life. You can find these verses in Revelations 14 ….
“Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads. 2 And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. 3 And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. 4 These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as first fruits to God and the Lamb. 5 No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.”
I would really like to believe that I am going to be one of those men if it’s God will for my life. They get a song of their own and if you know me well you know I love to sing. If there is a promise from God and it involves music than you can be sure I would like it to be applied to my life. I want to be able to “follow the Lamb where ever he goes” .. I want to devote my life to him and him alone. The one who can allow this be my future is God alone, so for now these are my thoughts on dating and marriage for my life.
Blessings to you!