When I read this I felt like God was sending me a message/reminder about my life. So much has changed and occurred so quickly in a short span of time. I can’t thank him enough for showing me the way out of the dark hole I found myself in! Thank you Jesus!
I was so worried about being seen as the “gay boy” that it kept me from enjoying life. I missed out on so many opportunities and just buried myself in a tomb 500 ft below ground. There are many regrets in my life. For instance I pushed many guys away, that only wanted to be my friend, but I was too afraid to let them get close. I had major trust issues, so the one thing I prayed for I couldn’t find because I was stopping the blessings God was sending me from fully revealing themselves. I didn’t do some things because I was afraid of what others would do or think. I kept quiet when all I wanted was to laugh and enjoy life, but “what will they say” was always repeating in my mind. Everyone else was writing my life story! I gave the power to what the people thought was correct and normal, and lost myself. I made myself get stuffed in a mold that clearly couldn’t hold all of me, all of what God intended me to be.
I’ve decided that for each regret I will find something positive to replace it with. I know God will help me keep moving forward and stop looking back. I don’t know what the future holds but I’ve decided to wait patiently on him. I know my story is different to everyone else that struggles with SSA (same sex attraction) and we all face this differently but I hope my story can help others in some way find their own light at the end of the dark tunnel.
In the end it’s up to us how much control we let it have over our lives. It’s up to us how much damage and pain we let other people cause us. Not everyone will agree with the way I think and that’s okay. I’m more worried about what God wants of me and what those closes to my heart believe about me. As I write more and more about my struggle other people have been able to understand what this has meant in my life. They understand that my main focus has always been God and finding the path that will lead me to find the salvation for my soul. There have been rumors and whisperings in the past and now God has allowed me to put them out slowly but surely. I have control of my life and what direction it will take. I don’t worry anymore about what rumors someone may start because I’m not afraid to speak up. I have the Holy Spirits blessing and no power above, no power on earth or in hell can ever take that away. I don’t plan on going back into hiding because God has other plans for me, and he will help me “own [my] story and write a brave new ending.”